'Hills' starlet Kristin Cavallari and her fiance called it quits after being engaged for just a few months.
Breaking up is hard to do, but it becomes exponentially harder when it means calling off a wedding.
Broken engagements are a hot topic this summer as a rash of Hollywood celebrities including Hugh Hefner, Jesse James and Kristin Cavallari suddenly canceled their nuptials, leaving fans wondering what happened.
?The stress and pressure surrounding planning a wedding can be too much for a relationship,? says Darcy Miller, Editorial Director of Martha Stewart Weddings. ?It?s a big event with a lot of decisions to make, and if the relationship isn?t solid, these decisions can take a toll.?
Patti Stanger, star of Bravo?s ?Millionaire Matchmaker,? is all too familiar with what it means to end an engagement in the public eye. last year she called off her wedding to longtime love Andy Friedman after being together for seven years. ?it was horrible,? the reality TV love guru told the Daily News. ?I felt like a failure. I?m a cobbler without any shoes!?
Stanger is quick to offer her own insight into the summer?s A-list splits ? James is a ?disgusting Nazi sympathizer? whose relationship was ?a rebound to make himself look good,? Hefner?s relationship with Playmate Crystal Harris was ?a user situation,? and ?party girl? Cavallari wasn?t ready to give up her LA celebrity lifestyle for her fianc?, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler ? but says no matter the motivation, calling off a wedding is likely to save more heartbreak down the line.
Bravo's 'Millionaire Matchmaker' Patti Stanger has been through it before ? but still believes in love.
?Breaking an engagement is never easy but being in a bad relationship is worse,? Stanger says. ?If you know it?s wrong, get out.?
Ending an engagement isn?t just a celebrity phenomenon. One woman I spoke to (we'll call her Amy), was engaged almost ten years ago but the memory of calling off her wedding still brings tears to her eyes.?she had been prepared to to break up with her college boyfriend of nine years when he surprised her with a public proposal around the holidays one year. ?all of a sudden he was on one knee with this ring asking me to marry him,? she said. ?it was like a scene from a snow globe. how do you say no when people are staring at you and someone is on their knee in Central Park???Feeling paralyzed she accepted, though she knew she was developing feelings for someone else. ?Every time my mom would try to get me to plan something I would burst into tears,? she says. ?That should have been a sign. I was so stressed out by all the people involved who had some kind of stake in it that I didn?t feel I could make my own decision.?
Hugh Hefner's relationship with Crystal Harris was a 'user situation,' Stanger says.?after eight months of anxiety and depression, the problems were too big to ignore. ?one day my fianc? just looked at me and said, ?Why are we doing this? Why are we getting married?? and I said, ?I really don?t know.? That day was so hard. I gave my ring back, we hugged, and then I walked across town bawling my eyes out on the street.??her parents thought she just had a case of cold feet. ?my mom didn?t talk to me for three months,? Amy said. ?she told me later, ?I needed my time to grieve.???These days, Amy is thankful for what she went through. ?it really taught me how to be an active participant in my own life,? she says. having spent the last decade in a relationship with the love of her life, she?s finally ready to start thinking about marriage. ?it took me ten years, but I feel like it?s something I would want to do again.?
With so much emphasis on the wedding planning process, taking it apart can feel overwhelming. Etiquette experts recommend sticking to these steps to ease the pain:?First things first, ending an engagement must be done in person.? ?there are so many times I?ve heard of people breaking up with each other via text message,? says Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute. ?it just blows my mind that anyone would think that that?s appropriate and ok.??That?s not the only way technology can get you in trouble. ?it can get awkward for friends and families to watch the emotion of a moment play out on Twitter or Facebook,? Post says. ?be careful with how much of the breakup you make public business.??Jesse James' relationship with Kat Von D was just a 'rebound situation' to improve his image, Stanger says.
While you may not think you have anything in common with Hugh Hefner, brides can actually take a cue from Hollywood. ?there is no need to give extra details when telling invitees the wedding is cancelled, but your guests care about you and want to make sure you are okay,? Miller says. ?It?s a good idea to have a statement prepared as to why you are canceling ? similar to the way celebrities deal with the press.??Notifying your guests by phone is preferable, but email is also acceptable ? as long as you send individual messages. You?ll also need to return any gifts you?ve been sent and cancel any registries you?ve set up. ?this is why it?s a really good idea not to use your wedding gifts before you get married,? Post says.?Depending on how far in advance you cancel your engagement, you will have paid for a range of expenses, some of which you may be able to recover. Post recommends knowing ?what happens to your money if all doesn?t go as planned? before you sign contracts with your vendors, while Miller suggests buying wedding insurance ? which can even cover a change-of-heart. and while your bridal party will likely be sympathetic, Miller says ?etiquette dictates that you offer to pay them back? if they?ve already invested a lot of cash in the event (attire, airfare, hotel).?though this may seem obvious, brides must also return the ring ? even if they were cheated on. ?It?s not a consolation prize,? says Post. ?Why do you want a reminder of something that didn?t work out??
As for Stanger, she?s had a few short relationships since her break-up but is still on the hunt for the right guy. ?I?d love to get married,? she says,? revealing viewers will get a peek at her love life on the upcoming season of ?Matchmaker? which returns for its fifth season on Monday, August 15. ?As we say on Bravo, Watch what happens!?
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Tags: Patti Stanger, kristin cavallari, hugh hefner, Jay Cutler, Daily News, public eye, Darcy MillerTrackbacks are closed, but you can .
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